How to Have Great Sex Every Time
Of all the concerns voiced by women undergoing sex therapy, none is more common – or emotionally distressing – than an inability to achieve orgasm during intercourse.
Only about 30% of women achieve orgasm regularly during intercourse (coitus).
Some women endure years of sex without a single coital orgasm. Typically, a woman relies upon a partner who “jumps through hoops” to bring her there, but never achieves the ideal.
Result: Sexuality, robbed of its playfulness and spontaneity, becomes more a chore than a pleasure.
To the rescue:
A variant of the standard missionary position – known as the coital alignment technique (CAT) – not only helps the woman have an orgasm during coitus, but also boosts the odds that she and her partner will climax simultaneously.
Men who have long considered themselves sexually inadequate, as well as women who have worried they were frigid, can begin to experience sex with all its physical pleasure and emotional intimacy.
Bonus: Because good sex is usually synonymous with good communication, this improvement in a couple’s sex life often carries over into other aspects of their relationship, bringing new levels of intimacy, contentment, and – important in this age of AIDS – commitment.
Unlike some other alternative lovemaking techniques, CAT is relatively straightforward. Couples have differed in the time necessary to master the technique, but with persistence, most have succeeded. Once mastered, it is remarkably effective – and quite reliable.
Recent study: Sexual response was measured in couples involved in committed relationships – before and after receiving CAT training. Prior to learning CAT, only 23% of the women reported achieving orgasm during intercourse on a regular basis. After CAT, that figure jumped to 77%. Before CAT, no women reported having regular simultaneous orgasms with their partners. Afterward, one-third of the women reported doing so.
Almost all participants reported at least some improvement in their sex lives following CAT training. In fact, the only participants who failed to benefit were those whose relationships were already jeopardized by nonsexual factors.
CAT Basics:
CAT encompasses five distinct elements, each designed to maximize contact between the penis and the clitoris, thus maximizing sexual response in both partners…
1. Positioning. The woman lies on her back. The man lies atop her, facing her much as in the conventional missionary position, but with his pelvis overriding hers in a “riding high” orientation.
His penis should be inserted into her vagina, with its shaft pressed firmly against her mons veneris – the soft fleshy mound covering the pubic bone above the vagina. She wraps her legs around his thighs, with her legs bent at an angle not exceeding 45 degrees and her ankles resting on his calves.
Important: He must let his full weight fall on her and must avoid using his hands or elbows to support his weight. While she may find this weight uncomfortable initially, it is essential to keep his pelvis from sliding back down off of hers.
2. Limited movement. Conventional intercourse involves a great deal of pushing, pulling and bracing of the arms and legs. CAT coitus focuses narrowly on the couple’s pelvic movement. In fact, little additional movement is possible during CAT, given the partner’s positioning. If additional movement is possible, the positioning is faulty.
3. Pressure-counterpressure. During ordinary intercourse, the man sets the rhythm while the woman moves a little, if at all. In contrast, CAT calls for a rhythmic movement that is virtually identical for both partners.
Procedure: She performs an upward stroke, forcing his pelvis backward. He allows his pelvis to move, yet maintains a continuous counterpressure against her pelvis (and her clitoris).
In the downward movement, the pattern of movement is reversed, with the man pushing downward and the woman maintaining the counterpressure against his penis. As her pelvis moves backward and downward, the penis shaft rocks forward against her mons veneris, sliding to a shallow position in the vagina.
Note: Although the force of pressure and counterpressure is quite intense during CAT, the partners’ actual movement is surprisingly slight.
4. Full genital contact. Repeated thrusting of the penis into and out of the vaginal “barrel,” typical of conventional missionary intercourse, affords little direct stimulation of either the clitoris or the penis.
Typical result: His orgasm, even if perceived as pleasurable, is far less powerful than it might be… and she, having gotten little if any clitoral stimulation, fails to climax at all. In CAT, the penis and clitoris are held tightly together by pressure and counterpressure… and the penile-clitoral “connection” is rocked up and down in an evenly paced, lever-like fashion. This vibratory motion all but guarantees orgasms for both partners.
Bonus: Orgasms produced by CAT differ significantly from those produced by conventional in-and-out sex. Whereas a conventional orgasm is limited to a pulsating sensation, a CAT orgasm combines this with a “melting” sensation.
Among participants of the recent study, 90% of all subjects said that CAT intensified their orgasms… and 60% said it increased their desire for more frequent sex.
5. “Passive” orgasm. In ordinary coitus, the man thrusts
faster and more deeply as he becomes increasingly aroused, while the woman
typically slows down or even stops moving altogether. At the moment of climax, the partners’
movements often become disconnected and may fall completely out of sync.
Result: The orgasm is incomplete, almost “spoiled.”
Better: CAT prescribes complete coordination of movement by the partners up to and beyond the moment of climax. In other words, both partners make no effort to “grab” for orgasm, instead letting it “overtake” them.
The transition from voluntary motion preceding orgasm to the reflexive, involuntary movements typical of orgasm itself is thus fully coordinated. The possibility of incomplete orgasm is drastically limited.
Crucial: A conscious effort by both partners not to hold their breath or suppress natural sounds. Breathing freely and giving full rein to grunts, moans, spoken words and other vocalizations greatly facilitate orgasm – for the noisemaker and the listener alike. Some couples report that the “reversed” CAT is an effective variation of CAT – if the man is much heavier than his partner.
Source: Edward
W. Eichel, MA, a psychotherapist in private practice
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